Leaders of the Evangelical Laodicean Church in America last week announced the publication of a new hymnal. "This is truly a hymnal for the new century," said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Armm.

"This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our tradition," Bishop Armm explained. "At the core of our belief is the motto, 'Moderation in all things,' and that applies to our faith life as well. We just don't like to get carried away."

When asked if the new hymnal will help the Laodicean Church attract new members, Bishop Armm replied, "Yeah, sure. You Betcha! People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They'd much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our church seeks to pander--er, I mean--meet that need. This hymnal will help with that, I think."

Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla ("Presh") S. Moment, explained some of the difficulty the committee had in choosing hymns. "Many of the old favorites just won't cut it among Laodiceans," said Moment. "We had to change a lot of the wording to make them fit with our style We tried to incorporate some new songs into the book, but we had trouble finding Laodiceans interested in writing new music. Oh well!"

The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very carefully, explained Moment. "We didn't want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands any more like 'Worship' or 'Hymn.'"

Here is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean hymnal:

• I Surrender Some
• There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
• Fill My Spoon, Lord
• Oh, How I like Jesus
• He's Quite a Bit to Me
• I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
• Take My Life and Let Me Be
• It Is My Secret What God Can Do
• There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
• Onward, Christian Reservists
• Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
• Just as I Pretend to Be
• When the Saints Go Sneaking in
• Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
• A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
• Self-esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
• Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
• Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
• Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
• Special, Special, Special
• Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
• Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
• My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
• O, God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
• I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
• Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
• All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
• When Peace, like a Trickle
• I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
• We Give Thee But Still Think We Own
• What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
• My Faith Looks Around for Thee
• Blessed Hunch
• Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
• We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
• Spirit of the Living Cod, Fall Somewhere Near Me M
• Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
• Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
• Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
• Be Thou My Hobby
• Spirit of God, Descend Upon Their Hearts